REASON

Sometimes, I submerge into music, feel like releasing myself from stress, from pressure, from sorrows, from many many complicated thoughts.

This is a song from Autumn in my heart OST, which's named "REASON" (I played it last weekend. It's still not completed, because my camera ran out of battery that time.)

Everything happens for a reason _ that is the simplest slogan ever which many people tell me everyday. And I understand it clearly word by word. But what is the reason? I know there is a reason behind everything, but what is it?

I dreamed a dream yesterday. I go to Tallin alone. Everyone stays at home. I lose my way. I don't know where to go. I down one knee. I cry. I call "Mom", I call "Dad", I call "Sisie", but no one answers me. I take a photo out of my pocket, hold it tight. I totally out of control, totally lose my head. Then I feel hurt. Then I woke up...

I took some food, helped myself a "seem-to- be-delicious breakfast", then I would like to vomit all. :(

Tom is still at hospital. Sisie is still there also. How can I share with them when we are hundreds miles away from each other.

I hate this feeling when I feel like I get lost, when I feel like I don't know where to go, who to love.

You know what, after moving around, after too much movement, I just want to stop to take back the truest me.

James told me:

- Why do we have to move around, why do we have to go to many other places? We are all ambitious, we all want to climb higher and higher. And the further we go, the bigger loneliness we found at ourselves. Sometimes, I just want to finish my student life as soon as possible, then I come back, marry the girl I love, and live with my beloved family. That's enough. This life is damn boring.

Hug you, my dear friend. I sympathize with you, my dear friend.

Now, right now, I just want someone call me or be here with me to listen to me, you can keep silence or you can talk as much as you can, it's up to you. Then I no longer feel lonely.

Can you see me in this picture? :)